I decided to dedicate a few minutes every day to write about my state of mind, rationale behind was to ‘write’, guess I failed miserably and yes I also decided not to continue blogging for I was really sad about the unfortunate events happened back in those days. Phew… break!
Wish it was rather easy to express!
Wanted to write something… to take it out… all at once… guess it isn’t that simple!
Crazy little girl inside me!
I decided to keep my thoughts to myself but today I will… i don’t know if I will ever write again…
It’s been a year almost since I lost my life support, my job. Why do we work and who do we work for? I worked to survive and to support my family. I worked hard to sustain and live a healthy life. For all those years I’ve struggled for a better tomorrow. My responsibilities started when I was very young… i missed my father in every step I took. I wished for his support and blessings. I shared my thoughts, my worries, my burdens or hardships with him but he is too far to hold my hand or hug me and say everything will be alright.
I believed in trying and not giving up… i may have made mistakes for I’m just a human who was thrown out in the wild way early but I the faith that God loves me was the strongest. It kept me going… no matter how many times I fell I stood again.
Today I’m falling and i don’t intend to try or get up… I’m tired of fighting fate, I’m tired of trying… I spent most of my life trying and now I’m giving up on hope and life itself.
The world is cruel… or the fate… i don’t know…. we keep trying but some people are just failures… I failed. The distance between life and death is nothing but this moment… This moment I’m Alive… next …
Last words are always a little prayer either for better life or better after life… my last words for the most amazingly beautiful kittens i remember when they were born and how excited I was… I would go and sit with them for hours…now they have just crossed over the rainbow bridge… and it’s unbelieveable… They were 3 months old and I got them recently and had them at their mommies owners place… didn’t know they were left in balcony in a high rise… my heart can’t bear this loss… its my fault shouldn’t have left with them… now I can say I could have done this or that but now poor babies are gone and I’m left with these tears and sobbing… These wounds only grow…
I couldn’t do anything and you died… it is tragic and painful but still I believe GOD is merciful however I say much in anger and helplessness but I do hope he was kind and didn’t give you pain.. i hope that you are in a better place we call heavens. I hope and pray you get to play with Luna in the rainbows forever and she as your big sister will take care of you both babies… i can’t stop my tears from falling… its not easy to say good bye…
Complaining state of mind. I’ve complaints and questions.
Detox… In every sense of the word.
I can’t believe I haven’t posted for months … well its been like mix of moods and events… its normal isn’t it?!
Lost my Candy’s first born, Luna, perhaps ‘death’ is something I can’t deal with, easily…!
The sun and moon are still there, so is the light 🙂
My 34th – should have been daily. Anyways, not blank but somewhat euphoric.. trance like state. You do not think, feel much… maybe it is a good sign or else an indication… whatever it is… I am quiet, doesn’t happen too often.
What is a house?
What is a grave?
A picture is worth a thousand words. This one shouts to places down deep in my soul.
She is being held safe in her Papa’s arms!
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There’s always some reason to feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference, escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
You’re in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here!!!!
Happens when there’s so much on your mind and you are blank, completely.
I am embarrassed for maybe in innocence or plain stupidity I could not set my priorities, maybe we think everyone is fair because we are fair, if everyone was fair the world would have been the best of planets of all to live today!
Nothing matters, end of the day you are at the ‘dot’ … even if you go around the world you are back at the same ‘dot, even if you have lived and about to die you are at the ‘dot’…